My favorite T-shirt for pissing off liberals

Heading to the gym this evening wearing my guaranteed-to-piss-off-liberals T.

By the way, the band I'm wearing on my right hand is from DefendMichael.com, the site set up to support Michael Behenna's defense. Michael was 101st Airborne serving in Iraq. While questioning Ali Mansur, a known Al Qaeda operative, the terrorist suddenly attacked Behenna. In the course of defending himself, Mansur was killed.

Benenna was subsequently tried and sentenced to 25 years in Leavenworth. His sentence has since been reduced twice after reviews by the commanding general of 101st Airborne and by the Army Clemency Board.

If you have a couple of spare bucks, you can PayPal Michael's defense fund at DefendMichael.com.

Iowa Football: Coming Clean on Creatine

There's a lot of misinformation flying around the Intertubes concerning the hospitalization of more than a dozen Iowa football players after a strenuous workout. The players suffered from a condition known as rhabdomyolysis -- which literally means the destruction of their muscle tissue.

Imagine a muscle cramp in your leg that's 20 times more painful than a normal cramp; that's pretty much what rhabdomyolysis is. Muscle cells become so strained that they literally burst inside the body. The results can shut down a person's kidneys and possibly even lead to a heart attack.

In the case of the Iowa players, they had been undergoing a particularly grueling workout -- but one that had reportedly been performed by players for a decade. They were said to have been doing sets of squats consisting of 100 reps each, which -- if you've never done it -- is truly a mind-bender. So why did their bodies melt down? WKRG publishes some speculation from a teammate.

[Defensive Lineman Christian] Ballard said, "I think its just a matter of people not re-hydrating: probably taking some supplements that are legal, but, at the same time, probably aren't very good for you."

..."A lot of supplements, you're not going to be able to catch on a drug test. Some of them are just like creatine, that de-hydrates you when you are taking it. And, I know a lot of guys who were kind of buying that stuff, and probably just having a weekend span. A lot of them probably went out drinking, and probably not re-hydrating."

Iowa has been open about its use of creatine as a supplement in the past.

And creatine is safely used by tens of thousands of athletes every year. It's naturally found in meat and fish. So what happened? Here's my theory: they took way too much: the recommended dose is generally a teaspoon per day. So it's not hard to imagine a a dozen guys taking, say, four teaspoons a couple of times per day instead. And a study published in 2000 would tend to align with that theory.

The case report by Robinson in this issue of The Journal represents the most serious published report to date of an adverse effect in a person taking oral creatine supplements. In light of its severity, it is prudent to speculate on the likelihood that this man’s creatine consumption contributed to his rhabdomyolysis.

Rhabdomyolysis results from a breakdown of the muscle cell wall, which leads to cell necrosis. It is thought to be the result of a plasma membrane defect or a disturbance in the sodium-potassium pump that allows an influx of calcium into the cell, which triggers a cascade of events leading to cell necrosis... Robinson speculates that intracellular water retention led to increased skeletal muscle compartment pressures, which placed the patient at risk for cellular wall breakdown...

...First, as do many athletes who believe more is better, this patient was taking a very high dose for an extended time. Such high doses and long periods are not only contrary to recommendations, but they are also unstudied... [he was also healthy and] was not taking any other supplement that could be a contributing factor.

If I had to bet, this is precisely what occurred with Iowa's players. Lots of creatine, too little fluid consumption and a heavy-duty workout.

For those who say creatine doesn't work: they're wrong. It does and it can be used safely. Perhaps a dozen years ago, I decided to really get my level of body-fat down. At that time, I used no supplements whatsoever. What I found is that as I lost weight, I also lost a good deal of strength.

At a body weight of 178, which was down 25 pounds in a matter of a couple of months, I could bench press 225 12 times -- that represented a significant and disappointing drop from the time when I carried more weight. Someone suggested creatine and, after reading plenty of research on MedLine, determined that for short-term use, it appeared relatively safe.

Fact is, creatine is found in meat and fish and is produced naturally in your body as well. I have always tried to lift twice a week and would consume a teaspoon of creatine the day before and the day of each resistance workout. In other words, just four teaspoons a week.

Within a few months, I was able to bench 225 for 21 reps with almost no weight gain (perhaps at 183 lbs.). Creatine makes you feel like a hydraulic machine; much stronger in terms of repetitions (but not maxing out).

When I get my annual checkup, my blood-work shows slightly elevated creatinine levels, common among anyone who works out regularly and not atypical (according to my doctor) for minor creatine consumption.

Bottom line is that the supplement does work and you don't need very much of it. I'm betting Iowa's players overdid the creatine and under-hydrated. Fortunately, they all appear to be okay and were released from the hospital on Friday.

If you are someone who likes to train, I would definitely encourage you to do your own research first. Don't trust me -- follow your doctor's orders and the dosing information you're given. But if you're cleared to use it, I suspect you'll appreciate the additional strength.

In Memoriam: Jack LaLanne, In His Own Words

Jack LaLanne, the father of the modern fitness movement, was legendary for his strict diet, gladiator-style workouts and lifelong devotion to healthy living. He passed away Sunday at age 96 -- a blow to many of us who thought the man was immortal. And rather than recast his biography, I'll let the man speak for himself through some of my favorite quotes.

• "Coaches told some of the pro athletes who wanted to come to me to stay away or they'd get thrown off the team. They said I'd make athletes muscle-bound. One time... it was during World War II, I took the entire University of California football team out to the sand dunes near Cliff House in San Francisco. I grabbed the heaviest guy and put him on my back, and I ran up the dunes. Then I made each of them do it. Nearly killed them! They were heavin' all over the place!"

• "I train like I'm training for the Olympics or for a Mr. America contest, the way I've always trained my whole life. You see, life is a battlefield. Life is survival of the fittest... How many healthy people do you know? How many happy people do you know? Think about it. People work at dying, they don't work at living. My workout is my obligation to life. It's my tranquilizer. It's part of the way I tell the truth--and telling the truth is what's kept me going all these years."

• "Don't talk age! Age has nothing to do with it. One of my guys who started out at my gym is 87 now, and he still does ten bench-press reps with a hundred-pound dumbbell in each hand. He's training to set a leg-pressing record. I put things in the guy's brain way back when, and now he'll never get away from it."

• "Thoughts are things. Negativity is what kills you... It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop."

• "...most Americans these days—they want to overeat, overdrink, smoke and not exercise, and then they go to the doctor saying, "Give me a magic shot, doctor, so I can feel better and look better." They all want that, but as I said, there is a price to pay. Living is tough, it's hard, and most people, especially religious people, spend too much time on their spirituality, hoping that this spiritual thing is going to do something for them. It doesn't work that way!"

• So that's how I get my reward. Can you put a price on a life? If you can save somebody's life, get that person to reduce their weight or get these older people working out, well, look what you've done—you've saved a life, the most precious thing there is!"

• "Now a lot of people say, "Oh, I don't have the time." Or, "Oh, but I don't like it, Jack." But you know, I try to get to the gym by five in the morning, and I work out for two hours. To leave a hot bed and a hot woman to go to a cold gym—now that's dedication! And I've never heard this once—knock, knock, knock on the window in my gym: "Jack, this is Jesus, I'll work out for you today!""

• "I get so ticked off. People are so misinformed these days. They tell you to eat no starch, no fats, to sell a diet, to make money. Where can you get a better food than nuts and grains? ...Would you give your dog a cigarette and a doughnut for breakfast every morning? People think nothing of giving themselves that for breakfast, and they wonder why they don't feel good."

• "The average person who is 70 or 80 is over the hill... They're fat, they're racked with aches and pains. Then you get people over 90 who are running marathons, because they worked at living. I have a lot of energy and you know why? Because I use it. It's use it or lose it, and it's believing in something. Most people just go through life existing, waiting for retirement. That's the death knell."

• "If you can't afford a half hour three or four times a week taking care of the most priceless possession, your body, you've got to be sick. You're stupid."

• "If man makes it, I don't eat it. I practice what I preach. I eat 10 raw vegetables, 5 pieces of fruit, egg whites and fish for protein, and whole grains. Finally, if you can't have a sense of humor, you're dead."

• "My whole career, doctors and so-called experts called me a crackpot and charlatan... But I was right... I train two hours every day. I do an hour and a half of weight training, then maybe a swim or a walk. I like change. I change my program every 30 days. You know, you get bored. The only thing I don't change is my wife."

• "Sitting around on your big fat gluteus maximus talking about the good old days. The good old days are right this second. You've got to exercise VIG-OR-OUSLY! Life is tough. Life is a challenge. Life is a battlefield... . Life is an athletic event, and you must train for it."

Rest In Peace, Mr. LaLanne. Your legend lives on.

Exclusive Photo Taken Moments Before President Obama Suffered Major Gash on Lip While Playing Basketball

Reports broke earlier today that President Obama suffered a gash on his lip while playing basketball. The injury required twelve stitches to repair.

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle captured this photo just seconds before the injury occurred.


Linked by: Sister Toldjah. Thanks!

Michelle Obama gets physical, physical, as she humiliates fat kids in race to show them that cheeseburgers and bad genetics really suck

The captions just write themselves, don't they?

Did you know that Michelle put her own kids through a diet program before embarking upon her campaign against child obesity? I know. You have to go overseas to read that news.

Oh. And expect a battery of New York Times articles regarding the Obama arm-toning regimen.

I'm very sensitive about my middle name

What in the heck were my parents thinking?

My Jersey Shore Summer Vacation

The party that precipitated the great hair gel shortage of 2010.

Kids: be warned that excessive tanning will damage your retinas.

The post-production party from the new show Project Oompa Loompa.

The hedgehog coiff was popular for a couple of days this month.

Close call: these guys were just two tanning-bed settings from death.

Hair: check. Pink jacket: checkety-check. Date: check and mate, biznatch!

Happy hour at the bodybuilding hairdressers convention.

Supah Wiseguy!

Tan-in-a-can meets fake-and-bake.

Calm down ladies - none of these dudes are taken.

Hat tip: Sean E.

Photo Caption o' the Day

MOTUS:

Someone needs to spend a little less time at the golf course and a little more time on the bench.

The Declaration of Indigestion and Other Gastronomic Wonderments

Everyone knows that you don't eat ballpark franks for the nutritional value, but this may be crossing a line. Like the white chalk line they draw around your body after you suffer a massive coronary.

Remember the Fifth Third burger monstrosity the Tigers' Single-A affiliate West Michigan Whitecaps sold last year? ...The 'Caps are at it again, asking fans to vote on what they should add to their menu.

Voting has begun at the Whitecaps' website, and the winner will be announced in March. But first you want to know what you're voting on right?

From the press release, which, honestly, I just have to paste as is for you to get the most of it:

1. Chicken and Waffles - Why did the chicken cross the road? To lie down on a bed of waffles, get smothered in gravy and get eaten by you, of course!

2. Chili Mac Tacos - Think comfort food that took a trip to Mexico. Creamy mac and cheese is smothered in chili then loaded into a hard taco shell to create a taste experience that won't soon be forgotten.

3. Chocolate Covered Bacon - This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy dunked itself in chocolate to become a delicious treat for Whitecaps fans!

4. Corn Dog o' Plenty - If the Idaho Christmas Tree isn't enough corn dog for you, then try the Corn Dog o' Plenty. A full half-pound, footlong frank that is battered and deep fried to make one gigantic corn dog.

5. Cudighi Yooper Sandwich - If you don't know what this one is then you haven't been to the Upper Peninsula. Cudighi is a spicy sausage found throughout the U.P. A sausage patty, smothered in cheese, pizza sauce, peppers and onions could grace the concession stands of Fifth Third Ballpark.

6. Declaration of Indigestion - When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to disband from the tyranny of healthy eating, they should consume the Declaration of Indigestion. You see, all sandwiches are not created equal as this half-pound, footlong hot dog is covered in a philly cheese steak (steak, cheese, peppers and onions) and served on a gigantic sub roll. It is certainly your unalienable right to consume one of these in the pursuit of happiness.

7. Idaho Christmas Tree - Why waste your time eating all of your favorite items separately? This is a batter-dipped hot dog rolled in french fries and deep fried to create the perfect limbed link on stick.

8. Poutine - A real treat from North of the border. The French Canadians have done it again, and this time with gravy. Fries, fried cheese curds and gravy make up this delectable side dish. Tres bien!

9. The Pink Panther - Not sure if this is named after the famous detective or the insulation, but either way it's delicious. Take a hot dog bun, slather it in icing and fill it with pink cotton candy. Maybe drizzle some root beer syrup over the top for good measure. It's the dessert dog you'll have to try this summer!

10. Twinkie Cheese Dog - This dog can survive any disaster and it might cause a few of its own. Simple - a hot dog laid in a Twinkie, covered in cheese. Yum.

There, now wasn't that a lot better than reading another story about Johnny Damon?

Hat tip: Bless You Boys.

The Unhealthiest City in America

Ryan Seacrest presents:

The Unhealthiest City in America.

Mmmm. Pizza for breakfast.

I have seen the future of exercise technology...

My health club recently acquired several Expresso exergaming bicycles. Expresso sells two basic models of stationary bikes. Each is equipped with a flat panel screen that exposes a portal to a networked, virtual reality gaming system. What's that really mean?

Suffice it to say that the riding experience is so engaging, so realistic and entertaining that I completed a course 24 minutes after starting, covered in sweat and not even realizing how the time had disappeared.

The scope, richness and diversity of the courses is staggering.

You can choose from a variety of categories -- including some "fantasy games", which I have yet to explore -- and a series of courses ranging from tame circuits to Tour de France climbing in the Alps.

Some of the more interesting features:

• Handlebars move for realistic steering and movement around the course.
• Friends can ride in a side-by-side competition.
• Set the speed of a Pacer to correspond to their fitness goals.

• Race against a “Ghost,” a replay of their best performance on a given route.

• Real-time fitness information, like distance, time, heart rate and calories burned, helps riders monitor their workout.
• Pedal resistance changes with the terrain. Members can shift resistance up or down to adjust their level of exertion.

As I understand it, you can also race against other real people in other locations -- much like a Call of Duty-style network game.

Put simply: I have seen the future of exercise and its name is Expresso.

The 'Where Should I Eat?' Flowchart

Linda sent this one in, which she copped from Eating the Road:


A sadly familiar algorithm for some of us.

Nick Scott

Amazing photo essay.

If you're not inspired by that, you don't have a soul.

Drinking: All the Benefits of Yoga Without the Pain

Ben sent this one in...

Savasana: Position of total relaxation.

Balasana: Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana: This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana: Position stimulates the midrift area and the spinal column.

Halasana: Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin: Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana: Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana: This position is great for massaging the hip area.

Malasana: This position, for ankles and back muscles.

So, lets start drinking.........!

I think I can guess the "(1) Rule To A Flat Stomach"

Seen these ads around the Internet?

I think I can guess the "1 Easy Diet Rule" -- no click-through required.

Easy Diet Rule #1: Lay off the Twinkies and Nachos, Junior.

Brock Lesnar's Vitamins

In January 2001, Louisville Police detectives arrested then-WWE champion Brock Lesnar for illegal possession of steroids. Official reports stated that the 26-year-old athlete allegedly received and opened a parcel that authorities said contained a "large amount of steroids."

I wonder what gave it away?

Postscript: Charges were later dismissed when tests determined that the seized pills were not steroids. Lesnar's attorney asserted the pills were a type of vitamin.

I need me some o' them "vitamins".

Pick me

Papa B sent this one in.

I'm not sure any of this is real, but it certainly looks genuine. It's just hard to believe what you're seeing could really happen.

The culmination of decades of fitness

After many years of workouts, lifting, basketball and the like, I'm pleased to report that my physique has finally equaled that of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I've really got myself buffed out, just like Ahnold.


Photo hat tip: Debbie.

Only in America: Taste Worth Dying For

Chris sent this one.







Even the pictures are giving me angina.