The Declaration of Indigestion and Other Gastronomic Wonderments

Everyone knows that you don't eat ballpark franks for the nutritional value, but this may be crossing a line. Like the white chalk line they draw around your body after you suffer a massive coronary.

Remember the Fifth Third burger monstrosity the Tigers' Single-A affiliate West Michigan Whitecaps sold last year? ...The 'Caps are at it again, asking fans to vote on what they should add to their menu.

Voting has begun at the Whitecaps' website, and the winner will be announced in March. But first you want to know what you're voting on right?

From the press release, which, honestly, I just have to paste as is for you to get the most of it:

1. Chicken and Waffles - Why did the chicken cross the road? To lie down on a bed of waffles, get smothered in gravy and get eaten by you, of course!

2. Chili Mac Tacos - Think comfort food that took a trip to Mexico. Creamy mac and cheese is smothered in chili then loaded into a hard taco shell to create a taste experience that won't soon be forgotten.

3. Chocolate Covered Bacon - This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy dunked itself in chocolate to become a delicious treat for Whitecaps fans!

4. Corn Dog o' Plenty - If the Idaho Christmas Tree isn't enough corn dog for you, then try the Corn Dog o' Plenty. A full half-pound, footlong frank that is battered and deep fried to make one gigantic corn dog.

5. Cudighi Yooper Sandwich - If you don't know what this one is then you haven't been to the Upper Peninsula. Cudighi is a spicy sausage found throughout the U.P. A sausage patty, smothered in cheese, pizza sauce, peppers and onions could grace the concession stands of Fifth Third Ballpark.

6. Declaration of Indigestion - When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to disband from the tyranny of healthy eating, they should consume the Declaration of Indigestion. You see, all sandwiches are not created equal as this half-pound, footlong hot dog is covered in a philly cheese steak (steak, cheese, peppers and onions) and served on a gigantic sub roll. It is certainly your unalienable right to consume one of these in the pursuit of happiness.

7. Idaho Christmas Tree - Why waste your time eating all of your favorite items separately? This is a batter-dipped hot dog rolled in french fries and deep fried to create the perfect limbed link on stick.

8. Poutine - A real treat from North of the border. The French Canadians have done it again, and this time with gravy. Fries, fried cheese curds and gravy make up this delectable side dish. Tres bien!

9. The Pink Panther - Not sure if this is named after the famous detective or the insulation, but either way it's delicious. Take a hot dog bun, slather it in icing and fill it with pink cotton candy. Maybe drizzle some root beer syrup over the top for good measure. It's the dessert dog you'll have to try this summer!

10. Twinkie Cheese Dog - This dog can survive any disaster and it might cause a few of its own. Simple - a hot dog laid in a Twinkie, covered in cheese. Yum.

There, now wasn't that a lot better than reading another story about Johnny Damon?

Hat tip: Bless You Boys.