E-Z to follow instructions: get out of any traffic violation without a ticket, points on your driver's license, or other legal hassles

Stopped for a traffic violation and don't want to get hit with an expensive ticket? Just follow these simple instructions:

1. When the police officer asks for your driver's license and registration, state: "No habla ingles."

2. As the police officer figures out how to react, recite the following sentence (preferably using a exaggerated accent): "I am an illegal alien to the United States."

3. Before the police officer can react to your second statement, close the deal with: "You are not allowed to ask for my papers. Eric Holder said so."

4. After the police officer shrugs, closes his traffic investigation pad and sends you on your way, put the car in D (not R, heh) and slowly drive away from the scene. Try not to unleash an evil cackle.

Note: If you are hassled at all, contact La Raza or some other separatist front group for the government of Mexico and figure out how to sue the city, town or county in question.

After all, according to the Obama administration and the Holder DOJ, no one has a right to ask you for your papers. And anyone who does so must be profiling.

By the way: if I were better at making money, I'd turn this into a 30-minute infomercial and charge four installments of $19.95 for all of this valuable information.