Fairfield Greenwich Partners loses $7.5 billion: "Whoa, we really f***ed up, dude."

As of November 1, 2008, Fairfield Greenwich Partners (FGP) held approximately $14.1 billion in assets under management, of which roughly $7.5 billion was invested in vehicles associated with Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities. Following the news that Madoff was arrested and charged with the violation of federal securities laws, FGP began assessing the extent of the damage in consultation with its attorneys, law enforcement officials and regulators.

"Holy f***ing s***, was it that much? Whoa, we really f***ed up, dude. I guess I should've listened to Grampa Tucker when he said 'diversify, diversify, diversify,'" said Jeffery "Chip" Tucker, founding partner of FGP.

"But look at it this way: it was less than $10 billion. And that's a lot less than, say, the auto bailout. So our due diligence was, quite rightfully in our minds, pretty minimal. And for those who argue that even a cursory review would have detected the options trading was bogus, I say pish posh, old man."

"That would imply we'd have taken time from yachting, golfing, schmoozing, dining, drinking and other of our feverish business development activities to 'look under the hood' of these alternative investments."

"Care for a single malt?"