Exclusive Transcript: Lindsey Graham's Secret Meeting With Joe Biden

Mark Levin reported yesterday that Senator Lindsey Graham (r-SC) quietly met with VP Joe Biden last week for several hours. This occurred, of course, just before Graham's crucial vote on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan. Fortunately, Cub Reporter Biff Spackle had earlier disguised himself as a caddy and was able to plant a tiny webcam on the Presidential golf party earlier in the day. What you are about to see is real. So freakin' real, you'll think you're going crazy.

Lindsey... WHUSSUPPPPPP?

Joe, been a long time. You're livin' the high life, up heah with President Obama?

Damn straight, home slice. Snap your fingers and literally anyone in the world is at my beck and call within minutes. Like you.

Which brings me to our meeting today. The reason I wanted to speak to you today is --

Closing Gitmo? Global warming legislation? Amnesty for illegals? You know I aim to please. I'm the post-partisan conservative Republican!

(Man, talking to this rube, I finally feel like Alvin Einstein) No, Lin, it's the Kagan nomination. You've got the key vote on getting her out of committee, 'cause all the other Repuglicans said they'd vote no.

Joe, you know you can count on me. I'll do anything to get on camera. You need me to clean the president's ashtrays? Conduct a Congressional investigation of Lindsey Lohan?

I'll do it all. You know I need the face-time: the more I get on ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC and MSNBC, the better my chances for reelection. Or even a Presidential run of my own someday!

That's using your head, Lin. Plus we can guarantee a good writeup with all the major papers: we just distribute a press release on Journolist and *poof* it's everywhere!

Not to worry, Joe Joe. This Kagan seems like a real judicial heavyweight to me. A real breath of fresh air. Supports the military and believes in the Constitution. This is a no-brainer. You didn't even have to ask.

But there is just one other thing...

You name it, Lin!

If anything happens to me in the next election, for any reason, I want President Obama to name me Secretary of Bipartisanship. Create a new cabinet position where I can influence more Republicans to be moderates. And more Democrats to be further left.

Hmmm.... that's the kind of role we could really get behind. Tell you what. Let me talk to Barack after he gets back from the country club and we'll discuss it. Now get the hell out of here, you big goofball, and I'll see you on Call of Duty in a couple of hours.


Linked by: Michelle Malkin. Thanks!