Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 1, 2008

Email received by our screener

 
Enterprising Cub Reporter Biff Spackle screened this email and gave it a thumbs-up.

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't! The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven! Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind? Or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just find it difficult to believe that someone engaged in carnal relations with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

Thứ Tư, 2 tháng 1, 2008

Excerpt from the Today Show's interview with Hillary Clinton

 
Here's an excerpt from the Today Show's softball interview with Hillary Clinton. Actually, the questions weren't softballs, they were whiffle-balls. Made of cardboard. Wet cardboard.

"Up close, the Senator and First Lady is natural, confident and warm."

Question: "Who are you, Hillary?..."

Question: "...At your core. At your very core."

Question: "Who are you and why do you believe you would be a good President..."

Question: "...and why do you even want to be President?

Answer: "I want to be President, because ---"

Answer: "-- at my core, I am a... a... ar r a.. a.. a... uhrg..."

Answer: "YOU DARE QUESTION MY MOTIVES, MORTAL? ALL THAT YOU KNOW, ALL THAT YOU DREAM, VERILY, ALL OF HUMANITY NEARS ITS END. FOR THE RIVER COCYTUS HAS BEGUN TO BOIL AND THE ACHERON HAS FLOODED ITS BANKS. THESE ARE THE SIGNS OUR MASTER'S RETURN IS NIGH.

THE LAMENTATIONS AND WOE OF MANKIND WILL SOON REACH A BLOODY CRESCENDO!

BOW YOUR HEAD, MORTAL, BOW YOUR HEAD FOR BEELZEBUB!!
"

Question: "Hillary? Hillary? Are you okay?"

Answer: "...uhm... urp... be- because I am an American, through and through..."


Answer: "...and I am so grateful for the opportunity, for all of the opportunities and blessings that I've had."

Hat tips: Dan Riehl and Larwyn

"Check your oil, ma'am?" "Yes, please, Congressman Hobson!"

 
Don Surber has a unique story of an rmark. It's too tiny to be a full-blown earmark, so I call it an rmark. Don says that in the world of pork barrels, this is "bacon bits." Even with its tiny scale, it's typical of the contempt in which Congress holds American taxpayers. That much is certain.

A gas station.

Not a refinery. Not a tanker terminal. A gas station.

...Welcome to the midget world of Republican Congressman Dave Hobson of Ohio. Nearly 25 years ago he almost — almost — ran out of gas in Wilberforce, Ohio... But on Dec. 27, old Hobson was finally able to fill 'er up at the brand new Speedway SuperAmerica at the Tawawa/Dave Hobson Plaza at the intersection of U.S. Route 42 and Brush Row Road.

Hobson was honored because he got an $800,000 federal grant so that Speedway would build a gas station there... Oh and the plaza also will have a little pizza shop.

Nice touch... Not only should Hobson be kicked out of Congress, but he should be kicked out of the Republican Party for being such a tiny tiny thinker.

Hobson recently announced his retirement effective January, 2009. I've got an idea where he could work for a while to pay off the debt for the Speedway station.

"Check your oil, ma'am?"

Nine Inches of Global Warming

 
In the brutal, snowy commute to work this morning, I passed a car that was struggling along in the slow lane. It was a sight I'd never seen before, over many years of harsh winter driving.

It was a new Maserati Quattroporte (MSRP approximately $120,000.00) slogging along on an slick, unplowed Interstate.

Here's my guess: this dude is a believer in global warming and, rather than buying a second vehicle (say, a Jeep Wrangler), he decided to buy carbon offsets instead.

Suggested reading: U.S. Senate Report: Over 400 Prominent Scientists Disputed Man-Made Global Warming Claims in 2007 - Senate Report Debunks "Consensus"

Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 1, 2008

Border Stories

 
A study by the Mexican government reports that nearly 70% of its citizens who migrate to the Unites States do so illegally (i.e., without documents). Of that number, 55% hire smugglers to gain entry to the U.S.

According to Mexico's National Population Council, the majority of Mexicans now living in the U.S. -- 6.2 million -- entered the country illegally. The Mexican-born population living in the U.S. has swollen from 800,000 in 1970 to more than 11 million in 2006.

What about the fence that was authorized in 2006?


At this juncture, it's worth recalling the 2006 "Secure Fence Act," signed into law just before the midterm elections. It called for 700 miles of reinforced double fencing, additional physical barriers, roads, lighting, cameras and sensors.

More than a year later, citizen watchdog group Grassfire reports that only five -- that's five -- miles of compliant fencing has been constructed. As for the other 99.3%, well?

As part of the omnibus spending package passed [in mid-December], House Democrats incorporated Senate Republicans' provisions to remove the two-layer fencing requirements and the specific target list of fencing locations...

Next time you hear a leading presidential candidate try to woo you with his nine-point immigration enforcement plan or his secure ID plan or his Secure Borders platform, point to the Incredible Disappearing Border Fence. ...That [disappearing act] is what happens to election-season homeland security promises. Why would theirs be any different?

What's worse is that this endemic, official disregard for border security has morphed into other malignancies.

On campus


During the November Democratic debate in Las Vegas, CNN was alleged to have portrayed Democratic Party operatives as "ordinary, undecided voters." One of the operatives was George Ambriz. Various blog and discussion board posts tied Ambriz to the Democratic Party and a group called MEChA.

...my name is George R. Ambriz, former student of Western New Mexico University, more importantly, a former M.E.Ch.A. President... we worked in sync... with the local and state Democratic Party to inform many people about the importance of voting...

What is MECHa?

MEChA chapters first took root on California college campuses and then expanded to high schools and schools in other states. It soon became one of the primary Mexican-American organizations, hosting functions, developing community leaders, and politically pressuring educational institutions. MEChA was fundamental in the adoption of Chicano Studies programs and departments in academia...

Much of the criticism of MEChA concerns its intent to "reclaim Aztlán" (i.e., the Southwestern portion of the United States).

...we are a Chicana and Chicano student movement directly linked to Aztlán. As Chicanas and Chicanos of Aztlán, we are a nationalist movement of Indigenous Gente that lay claim to the land that is ours by birthright. As a nationalist movement we seek to free our people from the exploitation of an oppressive society that occupies our land...

Put simply, MEChA's mission appears straightforward: overthrow the United States Government and establish a new form of government.

Summary


Let's sum up the wonderful state of border security.
  • Using the Mexican government's official count, over 6.2 million of its nationals entered the U.S. illegally, the majority utilizing smugglers to facilitate their entry.
  • During the runup to the '06 elections, 700 miles of a secure border fence were authorized. A year later, exactly five (5) miles have been completed.
  • And, from all appearances, it's perfectly acceptable for college campuses to sanction radical groups that intend the violent overthrow of the U.S. Government.
Remember this when voting in 2008.

Hat tip: Mike in Iraq. Also see:
* Hot Air: MS-13 vandalizes New Haven veterans' memorial?
* Hot Air: John McCain claims he's learned we need to enforce the borders
* Moonbattery: Aztlan

And the Jeopardy answer is "Nuking Britain"

 
IAC caught the following article excerpt from The Sun (UK).

A fanatical Pakistani cleric told The Sun yesterday of his chilling dream to turn the world Muslim – by force if necessary... Qari Hifzur Rehamn, 60, spoke openly of imposing Islamic law’s stoning and beheading on Britain – as Pakistan was rocked by unrest over the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.

He warned: “We want Islamic law for all Pakistan and then the world... We would like to do this by preaching. But if not then we would use force.”

Rehamn, 60... is Imam of the town’s fundamentalist religious school or madrassa, where classes for kids as young as nine include Jihad or Holy War and barbaric punishments... His teachings are frightening enough. But his mosque lies in the shadow of the secret bunker where Pakistan produces nuclear weapons.

And when asked if it would be right to nuke British infidels, he laughed and answered: “Probably.”

I'm glad he could interrupt his giggling to answer the question.

Hat tips: Jawa and Larwyn.

What do Mark Steyn and Michael Savage in common?

 
What do Mark Steyn and Michael Savage in common -- I mean, besides their initials? Both are tangled in separate -- but important -- First Amendment showdowns.

In Savage's case, the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) organized an advertising boycott against the conservative talk show host. While the boycott has had limited success, Savage decided to aggressively countersue, initially alleging copyright infringement by CAIR.

His recently amended lawsuit goes much further, asserting that CAIR "has consistently sought to silence opponents of violent terror through economic blackmail, frivolous but costly lawsuits, threats of lawsuits and abuses of the legal system." The suit also charges CAIR with using extortion, threats, abuse of the court system, and obtaining money via interstate commerce under false and fraudulent circumstances, describing it as a "political vehicle of international terrorism" and also linking the group with support of al-Qaida.

The suit notes that the federal government recently named CAIR as an unindicted co-conspirator in an alleged scheme to funnel $12 million to the terror group Hamas. Specifically, the suit includes the following claims:

* "CAIR is not a civil rights organization and it never has been. … CAIR was and is a political organization that advocates a specific political agenda on behalf of foreign interests."

* "The copyright infringement was done to raise funds for CAIR so that it could perpetuate and continue to perform its role in the RICO conspiracy set forth in Count Two and to disseminate propaganda on behalf of foreign interests that are opposed to the continued existence of the United States of America as a free nation."

* "CAIR would have to register as a foreign agent if their activities were not hidden under the false claim that they are a civil rights organization that enjoys tax-exempt status."

* "CAIR was tied to terror from the day it was formed. The group was incorporated on or about 1994 by Omar Ahmad and Nihad Awad. Both men were officers of a terror organization known as the 'Islamic Association of Palestine.'"

* "CAIR's parent group, IAP, was founded in or about 1982 by Musa Abu Marzook. Marzook was IAP's ideological leader and controlling director from the date of its founding until shortly after his deportation from the United States in 1997. At all time relevant, Marzook was an operative of, and/or affiliated with, the 'Harakat al-Muqawamah al-Islamiyyah,' or 'Hamas.' Hamas is an international terrorist organization."

* ...In 1998, "CAIR denied bin Laden's responsibility for the two al-Qaida bombings of American embassies in Africa. CAIR's leader Ibrahim Hooper claimed the bombings resulted from 'misunderstandings on both sides.'"

* ..."On October 5, 2001, just weeks after 9/11, CAIR's New York office sent a letter to The New York Times arguing that the paper had misidentified three of the hijackers and suggesting that the attacks may have been committed by people who were impersonating Arab Muslims."

* ..."CAIR further exploited 9/11 as it put on its website a picture of the World Trade Center in flames and below it a call for donations that was linked to the Holy Land Foundation website." The Holy Land Foundation, the suit charges, is "a terror organization."

* "CAIR receives significant international funding. For example, in 1999 the Islamic Development Bank gave a $250,000 grant to CAIR to purchase land for a national headquarters. In 2002, the World Association for Muslim Youth, a Saudi government-funded organization, financed distributing books on Islam free of charge and an advertising campaign in American publications. This included a quarter page in USA Today each Friday, for a year, estimated to cost $1.04 million. In 2003, Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal donated $500,000 to distribute the Koran and other books about Islam in the United States. In 2005, CAIR's Washington branch received a donation of $1,366,466 from a Saudi Arabian named Adnan Bogary. In 2006, Sheikh Hamdan bin Rashid Al Maktoum, deputy ruler of Dubai and UAE minister of finance and industry, financed the building of a property in the U.S. to serve as an endowment for the organization. This gift is thought to generate income of approximately $3 million a year."

* ..."The Council on American-Islamic Relations is a Muslim Brotherhood front organization. It works in the United States as a lobby against radio, television and print media journalists who dare to produce anything about Islam that is at variance with their fundamental agenda."

* "CAIR has links to both Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood. Terrorism expert Steven Emerson has stated before Congress that CAIR is a front for Hamas."

Savage's case also cites another ongoing suit against CAIR filed by the estate of John P. O'Neill, the former head of security for the World Trade Center. It alleges a RICO conspiracy involving CAIR led to the 9/11 attack.

"Throughout this period," the Savage suit alleges, "CAIR conspired to support terrorism and to obfuscate the roles of the various participants and conspirators in Radical Muslim Terrorism, and/or al-Qaida and/or the International Islamic Front for the Jihad Against Jews and Crusaders, which... culminated in the 9/11 attack..."

Well-known columnist and commentator Mark Steyn also has a free-speech challenge.

He has been summoned to appear before two Canadian judicial panels for his bestselling book America Alone. The book's central assertion is that Western nations are slowly become subject to Islamic law (Sharia) and therefore individual liberties are increasingly under attack. That Steyn has to appear before judges in Canada may, in fact, validate his position entirely. Two weeks ago, the New York Post opined:

Steyn, who won the 2006 Eric Breindel Journalism Award (co-sponsored by The Post and its parent, News Corp), writes for dozens of publications on several continents. After the Canadian general-interest magazine Maclean's reprinted a chapter from the book, five Muslim law-school students, acting through the auspices of the Canadian Islamic Congress, demanded that the magazine be punished for spreading “hatred and contempt" for Muslims.

The plaintiffs allege that Maclean's advocated, among other things, the notion that Islamic culture is incompatible with Canada's liberalized, Western civilization. They insist such a notion is untrue and, in effect, want opinions like that banned from publication.

Two separate panels, the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal and the Canadian Human Rights Commission, have agreed to hear the case. These bodies are empowered to hear and rule on cases of purported “hate speech."

Of course, a ban on opinions - even disagreeable ones - is the very antithesis of the Western tradition of free speech and freedom of the press... Indeed, this whole process of dragging Steyn and the magazine before two separate human-rights bodies for the “crime" of expressing an opinion is a good illustration of precisely what he was talking about.

...Since 9/11, Americans have been alert to the threat of terror from radical Islamists. But there's been all too little concern for a creeping accommodation of radical Islamist tenets, like curbs on critical opinions...

The obvious irony of this situation must have escaped the brilliant Canadian judicial experts who decided to allow this exercise in political correctness to proceed. Silencing controversial opinion is a decidedly anti-Western practice. That Canada would allow this case to be heard appears to be ample proof of Steyn's contention. And Savage's lawsuit may offer additional fuel to an already fiery discussion.

: For more information regarding the U.S. Government's case against the Holy Land Foundation, see the Dallas Morning News. Atlas has more details on the Savage lawsuit. Hat tips: Pookie and Larwyn.