Iranian State Television Presents: Meet the Press

Welcome to Iran's longest running program since the revolution: Iranian TV's Meet the Press!

Today's guest: Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran, his holy beardness... Ayatollah Ali Khamenei!

And now to your host: Haddad HomAyoon...

Supreme Leader, many young, foolish students have asked why must we stone women for adultery, hang homosexuals, flog dissidents, and suppress opposition political --

Silence! Guards! Send this infidel host to the gallows! Next host!

Errr... umh... Dearest Supreme Leader, some misguided souls argue that Iran must abandon its quest for nuclear weapons and embrace a new strategy for --

Outrageous! Guards!! 500 lashes and 25 years for this traitorous son of a monkey! Next!

Uhm... ahhhh... oh... Most Benificent... Supreme Leader... of Untold Piety, should thieves suffer two hand amputations rather than one?

Ah, excellent question... host. Remember, as prescribed by hodud, amputation of a single hand is a punishment approved by Iran’s Supreme Court. And remember a missive from years past: if thieves don’t want their hands cut off, they should stop stealing. Also, I may confide that our latest statistics show that public amputations have a visible effect on controlling the crime rate!

Uhmm... excellent, excellent. Well, Outrageously Wondrous Supreme Leader of Epic, Awesome Wisdom and Piety... we appear to have run out of time...

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