Create your own letter to the New York Times!

 
Matthew Sheffield, writing at Newsbusters, introduces us to the New York Times' favorite letter writer: faux Republican Henry Lowenstein.

..."lifelong Republican" Henry A. Lowenstein, ...has managed to get 20 different letters published in the New York Times since 2003, a remarkable feat when you consider that the Times (by its own admission) receives around 1,000 letters a day and prints only 15 on its letters page. That means the odds of the average liberal person (the paper freely admits it favors left-wing letter writers) getting his or her letter printed are about 1.5 percent.

It's worse when you think of the numbers on a yearly scale. In the past five years, the Times has received approximately 1.8 million letters. It's printed 20 of Lowenstein's...

To help our readers get their letters printed in the Times, we offer the following easy-to-use template. Just follow the instructions, make your choices, send your letter in, and wait for the calls from friends and neighbors.

To the Editors:

As a lifelong Republican until the presidency of George W. Bush, I am:

(a) shocked and saddened
(b) ashamed and disgusted
(c) embarrassed and horrified
(d) nauseous and flatulent

by the loss of:

(a) civil rights
(b) personal liberty
(c) societal values
(d) Celine Dion

and the:

(a) general apathy
(b) stultifying morass
(c) decrepit morals
(d) fiscal leprosy

that this country has sunk into. As I travel around the world and speak to peoples of all races, religions and social standing, it is painfully obvious that we have become a:

(a) global pariah.
(b) murderous imperialistic regime.
(c) 21st century version of the Deathstar.
(d) thuggish gang of Crusaders and Jews.

We have allowed this administration to:

(a) lie, cheat, break the law, and to break its sacred oath to uphold and defend the Constitution.
(b) send "disloyal" journalists to concentration camps and execute scores of Hollywood celebrities
(c) serve rubbery fried calimari and stale weiner-dogs at White House receptions.
(d) fondle interns in the White House, sell missile secrets to the Chinese, pardon terrorists, and fail to defend America.

As we go forward into 2008 I remain confident that America will elect a president who will return us to

(a) our precious values and help us take back the moral high ground
(b) the Internet boom, Y2K, the USS Cole, the first World Trade Center explosion and the Khobar Towers
(c) the days of the Andrews Sisters, the '57 Cadillac, and the Brooklyn Dodgers
(d) legal bikini Jello wrestling on free TV

from which we can lead the world. The true greatness of America is that we will probably survive eight years and two so-called election victories by G. W. Bush.

Henry A. Loweinstein, New York

Hat tip: LGF's cool new feature -- 'Spinoff Links'