The Secret Chamber

 
Master, your apprentice seeks an audience.

Allow him to enter.

May your supplicant rise?

Stand, knave --- and speak.

Your excellency, I have an idea for the defeat of the Dark Witch in the coming war.

Continue.

I feel we can plant an idea in her campaign. An idea so twisted, so bizarre, that they will believe it is compelling and...

Yes?

...and... sir... the idea will backfire, exposing them for what they truly are.

Go on.

It will expose their desire for Marxism, their hope that they can overthrow capitalism through a communist revolution.

Sounds promising. So what is this brilliant idea?

We plant the following idea: that they propose giving every child born in the United States $5,000 from the government to help pay for college, a home, or whatever they want later in life.

That's your idea?

Er -- y- y- y- es, your excellency...

That's the brilliant scheme you've come up with after all of this time? An idea so profoundly dim that even Bob Shrum would be able to figure it out? Giving every child, even those parented by illegal aliens, would be hugely unpopular and cost billions every year! Why not a tax credit? Or something reasonable? Hell, why not give every baby a hundred thousand dollars?

B- b- b- but, sir -- I --

Even Carville, or Matthews, or Beckel, anyone could figure this...

Actually, sir, we were thinking of planting the idea with Markos Moulitas...

Proceed.

* * * * * * * * *

With sincere apologies to the brilliant Tim Blair