ABC Notifies Breitbart They're Canceling His Town-hall Gig Due to Scheduling Conflict and Crazed Nutroots, But Mostly Crazed Nutroots

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle, whose annual review is on December 1st, said he snatched the following letter from ABC's fax machine just after it was sent to Andrew Breitbart. You may recall that, after inviting Breitbart to participate in a town hall telecast, ABC was hit with a firestorm of controversy by liberal progressive bloggers who oppose free speech.

Dear Mr. Breitbart,

We are writing to confirm the decor of your dressing room... oh. Excuse me. Hold on. I have to take this call.

Yes, Mr. Boehlert. Uh, okay. Yes sir. I pinky-promise.

Uhm, Mr. Breitbart, I regret to inform you that the Soros leftists who control the Democrat Party several scheduling conflicts prevent us from airing your valued opinions during the election broadcast.

It has come to our attention that an employee in our bookings department sent you an unauthorized offer letter to appear on election night. We were forced to fire him, at which point he blamed you. While he is a steroid-engorged bodybuilder who owns more than two dozen hunting rifles, please don't be alarmed.

Would you consider taking another analyst position for less pay than we originally discussed, even though we would never offer you such a position?

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Andrew Morse