Iran and the U.S.: transcript from secret negotiations

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You say you didn't know about the back-channel negotiations between Iran's President Ahmadinejad and a secret diplomatic representative from the U.S.? Try to control your excitement and scroll down very slowly to view this exclusive transcript.


You must know that Iran is a united, coherent and wise nation.


Some countries intend to introduce Iranians to the world as a violent nation with weapons.


We will not back down from our stance and we believe that nuclear energy is our inalienable right.


Would you consider a cultural exchange? For instance, Britney Spears might be available for a concert tour...


Could you throw in JT?


Timberlake? He's touring in Nashville. Maybe in a couple of months.


Well, we couldn't possibly suspend uranium enrichment for a panty-less washout alone.


We're also prepared to open up some Burger King franchises in Iran. You and the Mullahs would have full control of the menu.


So we could wage a jihad against bacon cheeseburgers?


Absolutely. In fact I've brought a completely halal whopper...


Is that what I've been smelling? It smells delicious!


Then, may I present...


...the halal whopper with Cheese and synthetic bacon?


That looks fantastic! Do you have some fries?


Absolutely, they're in the limo. Let me run down and get them.


...mmm... I can't wait for the fries... I'll just unwrap this burger...


**Hehe!** The exploding burger trick. It gets 'em every time. Negotiations... are... complete.