President Obama calls for collective bargaining rights for illegal aliens

Citing concerns that illegal aliens are facing increased opposition from U.S. natives worried about employment, MS-13 gang activity, and strained social services, President Obama launched his new "Undocumented Americans" initiative in a sparsely attended Rose Garden ceremony.

The president read from a prepared statement using his trademark twin teleprompters, asserting "...it is imperative that Undocumented Americans be granted collective bargaining rights" that will "force employers to take their demands seriously". Obama also noted that it would "level the playing field with documented Americans in the interest of global fairness."

In related news, President Obama proposed that his controversial, $53 billion high-speed rail project begin its daily run in Mexico City with express service to Phoenix and points west.

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