REVEALED: Military Members Used as Props by Michelle Obama During Oscars Were Blinking Coded Messages

WASHINGTON, DC - An exclusive analysis by Cub Reporter Biff Spackle reveals that members of the military conscripted by First Lady Michelle Obama for her Oscar appearance were blinking coded messages.

Three of the four military personnel were, according to a computer-based analysis, using Morse code to signal the public that they were being forced to appear as props against their will.


This analysis can exclusively reveal the following:

• One male service member appears to have signaled: E-X-T-R-E-M-E   P-A-I-N   S-T-O-P

• A female service member repeatedly blinked: P-L-E-A-S-E   S-E-N-D   R-E-S-C-U-E   P-A-R-T-Y   S-T-O-P

• And another serviceman signaled: S-H-E   N-E-E-D-S   H-E-R   O-W-N   D-A-M-N   V-A-R-I-E-T-Y   S-H-O-W   M-A-K-E   I-T   S-T-O-P

The use of military members for the First Lady's commercial appearance raised the specter of impropriety according to Beltway insiders.

Longtime Hollywood insider Sparkles Malloy observed that, "if the Obamas really want to break the record for most television appearances, they ought to at least move to Los Angeles."