Exclusive transcript: Pelosi & Syrian Dictator Assad

Thank you, Madame Speaker, for your visit. I know President Bush had objected to your trip, so I appreciate your support.


You are most welcome, President Assad. I feel this can be more than a "photo opp," to use the President's term.


You are soooo right. Oh, hold on for a moment. We need a couple of pictures. Just freeze for a moment.


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Are we almost done?


Yes, just another few seconds.


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All set. You were saying... ?


We simply want to express our hope that Syria can arrive at a path to peace.


Does this involve recognizing the so-called state of Israel?


Why, yes, of course.


Does this require that we stop funding and equipping terrorists?


-Er- ... Yes, that too.


HAWHAHHAWHAHAWHAHAHAHWAHAHAHAHAHWAHAHAHHA!!! WHOOOOooooo!! Whoa! Hold on... ...let me catch my breath... good one! Wonderful sense of humor -


Hey, I'm serious here!


You can't be! Your President Clinton paid my father a visit in '94. We told him then that such an approach is ludicrous.


But we've declared a jihad on terrorism! You know that!


You can't declare a jihad! Only we can declare a jihad!


Well... well... we're a giant tsunami of anti-terrorism!


That was pretty politically incorrect... all of those innocent deaths due to the tsunami...


Yes, I guess that's true. That line went over like a pregnant suicide bomber.


Wait just a second. A pregnant suicide bomber... hmmmm.... interesting.


Mr. President, all that being said, I am hopeful that we can issue a statement that would confirm our joint hopes for peace.


We'll get back to you on a statement, though it might be punctuated with a loud explosion.


Thank you for that. Dialogue is the first step on the grand walk of peace.


Dialogue is the first step on the grand walk of peace. Quite poetic! You know... Nancy... I saw that picture of you wearing a hijab. And I'd wager that back in the Fifties, you were quite a hottie. Do you... do you have any dinner plans tonight?


Oven-baked good readin', just like Mama used to make:
LGF: Syrian Reformists: The Damage from Pelosi's Visit Will Be Felt for Years
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