IowaHawk's Predictions for 2005

Here are my favorites, but read the whole thing. IowaHawk contends that Barry Bonds is in for a rough '05 and that a John Madden wardrobe malfunction will mar the Superbowl...

January 19 - Presidential inauguration ceremony interrupted by masked ninja legal paratroopers from MoveOn.org; ailing William Requist pummels helpless assailants with famed gavel 'El Diablo' February 6 - Pittsburgh edges Green Bay in Super Bowl XXXIX; Steelers' big win overshadowed by controversial John Madden 'wardrobe malfunction' April 5 - New DNC chairman Howard Dean announces official party name change to "Progressive Berserkers" April 18 - Saddam Hussein convicted of crimes against humanity; Kofi Annan offers space in UN "Scared Straight" deliquent dictator program April 23 - Barry Bonds passes Ruth with 17th homer; torso explodes May 2 - Barry Bonds caps amazing comeback by winning Kentucky Derby; pays $18.50-$12.20-$6.40 May 22 - Martha Stewart appears on Today Show interview sporting teardrop tattoo, spurs homemaker fashion craze July 20 - Iraq descends into chaos as I-25 construction, HOV lanes snarl Basra morning commute; Rumsfeld blamed for lack of Morning Zoo Crew traffic copters August 9 - Violence wracks Iraq as US Marines battle insurgent Reuters staffers in Fallujah November 28 - Chicago marks 500th homicide of the year, renewing calls for US withdrawl from Illinois quagmire

IowaHawk: Predictions for 2005 and Nick Coleman's First Draft