Drug Companies on Lookout for Michael Moore

Los Angeles - Some pharmaceutical companies are telling employees to keep an eye out for filmmaker Moore, according to published reports in the Los Angeles Times. Moore's next film, "Sicko," will reportedly focus the American healthcare industry -- including HMOs, insurance companies, the FDA, and drug makers -- prompting several companies to issue internal memos to deny access to him and his cameras. "If you see a scruffy guy in a baseball cap, you'll probably know it's him," read one internal memo from drug giant Pfizer. "If you want to make perfectly sure, look for speckles of congealed alfredo sauce sparkling in the wispy beard growth on his enormous 30-pound neck goiter." A memo from Astra-Zeneca instructed building security to "be on the lookout for a disheveled man with a camera, microphone, and man-boobs the size and consistency of the bags inside a cheap bag-in-box wine, after drinking three or four glasses." The memo goes on to suggest that "oh, yeah, there's also a kind of a not-so-good peanut smell." At Glaxo Smith Kline, an internal security memo set out a precise screening protocol for Moore. "If subject fits profile, request him to lift shirt," reads one item on the flowchart. "If visual inspection identifies buttcracks in front AND back, escort out."

Iowahwak (Satire): Drug Companies on Lookout for Michael Moore