Crazy Al is Slashing Metaphors!

Internet inventor Al Gore launched another entertaining diatribe yesterday. His missives were, of course, directed towards the Republican effort to get simple up-or-down votes on President Bush's judicial nominees. You know, the way the Congress has been operating for only, oh, the last couple of centuries.

Well, Mr. Gore says that the GOP has a "lust for one-party domination.' Dammit, someone revealed the secret! Who let it out that Rove and company have a lasvicious, carnal desire to crush the Democrats beneath a spiked boot heel? Isn't the point of elections to... win?

He also noted, in what was likely a nasally and monotonal whine, the GOP's "willingness to do serious damage to our American democracy." Yes, that's exactly what I'd call trying to get the Senate to... vote. After all, voting is tantamount to... yes... crushing... democracy... beneath a spiked boot heel!

Another Gore-gasm: "This family of 7 judicial fanatics is now being stopped at democracy's gates by 44 Democratic Senators." Yes, they're being stopped at democracy's gate... by a refusal to vote! Yes, dammit, I know it makes no sense, but this is Al Gore we're talking about!

"They seek nothing less than absolute power." Alright, someone really let the cat out of the bag! How in the heck can the Republicans expect to get away with this dastardly, insidious plot to get seven whole judges a vote? After all, these seven judges represent absolute power! What could the GOP be thinking? It's ridiculous! Outrageous! Preposterous! Thanks goodness the Inventor of the Internet has rescued our Democracy!

* * *

If given a choice between trusting my children with Al Gore or trusting my children with Dennis Rodman, I'm thinking I go with Rodman.

Guardian: Gore Blasts GOP