Michael Moore is a big fat Republican!

I am now absolutely convinced that Michael Moore is a staunch Republican who backs our president 100%. Let's look at the facts. Moore is a:



Consummate capitalist: Moore is a top-notch self-promoter and marketeer, the hallmark of a true Republican capitalist [1].



Republican organizer: has rallied Republicans in support of Bush throughout the US.



Democratic disorganizer: helped fragment the left by convincing failed candidate General Wesley Clark to run against an already weak, crowded field.



Free-trade Outsourcer: believes in outsourcing American jobs to other countries, having run his own business in outsourced fashion.



Anti-Richard Clarke: has repudiated Richard Clarke's contention that Clarke, not Bush, approved the Bin Laden family's departure from the U.S. following 9/11.



Anti-Franken: has distracted America's limited attention-span for left-leaning pundits from Al Franken's monstrously unsuccessful Air America Radio, down to 15 markets world-wide. Moore's film might actually be a death blow for Franken's critically ill venture.



Galvanized the left against egregious anti-Bush rhetoric: even the left-leaning Slate has ralled against Moore's movie: "...To describe this film as dishonest and demagogic would almost be to promote those terms to the level of respectability..." - this from Christopher Hitchens, a columnist for Vanity Fair (of all places).



In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Moore is actually 6 feet tall, 180 pounds, lean and mean, with a sculpted, masculine figure... who only goes out in public in a fat- and ugly-suit to help galvanize support for W. [2]



The left looks at Michael Moore's film



[1] (there are also rumors that he lives in a palatial New York condo and sends his progeny to an elite private school, also evidence of a Republican background).


[2] While other have suggested that Moore should have titled his film "Fahrenheit 411", an eyeball esimate of his current weight, I refuse to stoop that low. Oops... did I say that out loud?